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This page was last updated 05/05/08
Week of: October 7, 2007
Title: Deacon Ordination and Lord's Supper.
Scripture: Act 6:1-7
For a copy of the New Deacon Ordination Calling Out (as printed in this week's bulletin), click here.
Week of: October 14, 2007
Title: Forgiveness
Series: Hallmarks of a Great Relationship - Part 2
Scripture: Luke 6: 37-38
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things that a human being can learn to do. It is also one of the hallmarks of any great relationship, so much so that you cannot have a good relationship with another human being without the give and take of forgiveness.
Some people intuitively understand this and are willing to forgive other people. A Christian should be the kind of person who is willing to practice forgiveness. However, some people have a problem understanding forgiveness and never get close to other people. It seems they are afraid of experiencing the pain of close relationships and the need for forgiveness that comes with them.
If you don’t want to learn to forgive, the way I see it, you have three choices:
First, don’t get involved with another person in a close relationship of any kind because sooner or later you will be asked to forgive that person.
Second, if you must get involved in a relationship with another person, do so with a person that is so intimidated by you that they are afraid of ever disappointing you.
Third, if you cannot forgive, then be prepared to change relationships as fast as a revolving door because you are going to need them.
Not very good choices are they? To this most people will say “I forgive people all of time, after all, who can live in a crazy world like we do and not forgive someone else?” That’s true, but have you ever had to forgive someone when it really hurts to forgive, where every fiber of your being is yelling “no way, I will not forgive this person because they have hurt me so badly. They have let me down and betrayed my love and confidence so badly that I just cannot forgive them. I will not forgive them for what they have done to me.” If you’ve not understood the depth of these emotions, maybe you have not understood what it is to really have to forgive someone else.
Well, what is forgiveness? Would anyone care to define it for me? First off, to forgive is a verb, meaning that it is something, at one level or another, we decide to do. Whether you realize it or not, forgiveness is something within you that you must decide to do or not to do. It is a decision that you must make, a choice that only you can make. Have you said or heard someone say: “I don’t care what the Bible says; I cannot forgive them for what they’ve done to me?” That’s not true, it isn’t that you cannot forgive them, it is just that you won’t.
Next, forgiveness is a choice to “let go” of the perceived hurt, the perceived disappointment, the sense of betrayal, the strong urge to get back and to get even with someone who has wronged you. It is the letting go of grudges and pain that we choose to carry around, much like badge of honor or a bandage of a battle that we’ve been involved in. I have found that grudges, at least at first, are like sore muscles I like to massage. It hurts to rub but, as long as it doesn’t get too painful, it feels good to rub it. But grudges and the strong sense of growing anger that accompany them are sinful and very destructive to everyone involved with them.
Let’s look at some reasons we need to turn loose of our grudges or our sense of being wronged.
1) This is not the kind of person I want to be. Some people like to be small, angry, bitter, little human beings that walk around with a chip on their shoulder because they have been wronged. A lady was commenting on her refusal to forgive her very critical husband: “It is not a part of me I particularly like. But when I’m criticized and judged, I turn it around and do the same. When my trust is violated, I notice every bad quality in another person. I don’t want to be like this anymore.”
2) Some people seem to like playing the role of the victim. Like the prophet Jonah, we feel a little perturbed that the bad guys might repent and get away without being punished—so let’s punish them while we can. Or as the victim, we can take the moral high ground by virtue of being wronged. Or as a victim, we can get leverage on someone else by bringing up and holding on to past hurts.
Hopefully, there comes a time when we realize that this person we are slowly becoming is not good. We may have been wronged but we don’t like the kind of person we see in the mirror. We’ve got to turn loose of this anger. We’ve got to learn to forgive.
Lest you think I am leaving the Bible out of all of this: God wants you to forgive. In fact, it could be argued that that is what Jesus came to do—to practice, model, and make true forgiveness possible. It seems like I remember somewhere in the Bible Jesus saying: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34) The whole concept of Easter and, really, Christ’s life is about God forgiving the sinners and then requiring us to forgive others as well. But the most compelling reason to forgive is that Christ forgives us. My whole life and my continuing existence is based on the love and the forgiveness of God. If God is so wonderfully and miraculously forgiving me, then how can I not forgive others?
There is just too much in the Bible that says: You are crazy to think God will forgive you and not expect you to forgive others. There is a scripture of golden rule variety that says: “do not judge, and you will not be judged… do not condemn and you will not be condemned….” If I want to experience the continual forgiveness of God that He has promised me, I need to practice the art of forgiveness in my own life. However, if I am too stingy in willingness to forgive others, do I dare expect to experience forgiveness from my Savior and Lord? Can we who name the name of Christ, knowing what He has done for us, do anything other than to forgive?
Week of: October 21, 2007
Title: Requires Two
Series: Hallmarks of a Great Relationship - Part 3
Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5: 16-21
In Norman Vincent Peale’s book, The Power of Positive Thinking, the author lists several rules for becoming the kind of person whom others enjoy being around. Included are:
1. Learn to remember names.
2. Be a very comfortable person to be around, be homey, relaxed, and easy going as you can be.
3. Don’t be egotistical. Be naturally humble; don’t act like you know it all.
4. Be interesting so that people will want to be with you and get something of stimulating value from their association with you.
5. Study to get the “scratchy” elements out of your personality. (I am assuming the quirks that irritate other people)
6. Practice liking people.
7. Always congratulate others about their achievements, and/or express sympathy in their sorrow and disappointment.
8. Grow spiritually and help strengthen people in need.
If I might add one to his list of rules, I would say “forgive and attempt to restore your relationships.” Restoring your relationships is what the Bible calls reconciliation. Last week we talked about forgiveness and I said we would concentrate on reconciliation this Sunday. Many people get forgiveness and reconciliation confused. They think that they are the same thing. However, as we saw last week, forgiveness is a decision that we make in our hearts. It really doesn’t and shouldn’t depend on the other person as to whether or not they forgive us. Now granted, when I apologize to you and you apologize to me, and I stop attacking you and you stop attacking me, it makes it easier to forgive. And that is usually what people think forgiveness is all about. Ultimately, you can forgive me without me forgiving you. Why? Because forgiveness is a choice and as Christians we have the Holy Spirit to help us make the right choice, whether or not someone else chooses to do the same.
Do you remember the story of Stephen in the New Testament (see Acts 7:54-60)? He was stoned because of his witness for Jesus. The very last thing he said before he died was, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” (Acts 7:60) Stephen forgave them even though they were hurling stones at him. He is a wonderful example of forgiving other people even when they don’t forgive us.
Reconciliation, or the restoration of a broken relationship, requires two. Forgiveness does not, but reconciliation does. It takes two to be best buds, again. It takes two to be husband and wife once again. It takes two to be a town again, a family again, a church again, or whatever we are talking about again—it takes both sides to forgive for restoration to begin again. Let’s look at the Bible, to illustrate this point. Paul, in our scripture, tells the Corinthians that they should no longer regard anyone from a “worldly point of view.” A worldly point of view is a very selfish and self-centered prospective on life which doesn’t take God’s will or another person’s feelings in consideration. It is just what we want and nothing else will do. We are all guilty in having a worldly point of view at various times of our life (more like various times of the day). He goes on to say that anyone who is in Christ, anyone who is a Christian, “is a new creation; the old (a worldly and selfish point of view) has gone, the new has come.” All of this is possible because God was “reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them.” Paul is convinced that, by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, God has done two things:
God has found a way to forgive the world for its sins through Jesus dying on the cross; and
He has made it possible for God to restore the broken relationship between Him and his creation by that same death and resurrection.
The forgiveness is there for each person on the face of the earth. However, for us to experience this forgiveness and the reconciliation that God promises with it, we must being willing to accept it. In voluntarily accepting it, we allow our relationship to be restored with God. We allow a relationship to be created in which He (God) is our master and Lord. We humbly acknowledge our shortcomings, weaknesses, sin, and promise with His help to go and sin no more. Therefore, all is forgiven and our relationship with God is restored. We are reconciled with God through Jesus our Savior and Lord. It is a wonderful plan, a glorious plan that has been and will continue to be “good news” to this world until it ends. For reconciliation to be reality, the two sides, God and me, must agree that God is right and I am wrong. Forgiveness is there for me; I just have to admit I am wrong and accept it, for our relationship to be restored.
Now, there is difference between our relationship with God and our relationship with each other. God doesn’t sin, he doesn’t make mistakes, but we do. To every human conflict there are two sides or more that do wrong. But in our relationship with God, we are the only ones who are wrong. So… we don’t forgive God—he forgives us. Yet, where there is conflict and disagreement between human beings, even in the most righteous of situations, there is usually plenty of sin on both sides. And, for reconciliation to occur, both sides are going to have to give and receive forgiveness. Both sides are going to have to let go. Consequently, and sadly I might add, all forgiveness doesn’t always lead to restoration of relationships. Even if there is a restoration or reconciliation, it might not mean that things can go back the way they once were. Jesus wanted his followers to reconcile with one another, but He knew that things would not always be the way they once were. We can hope and pray they will, but things don’t always go back the way they were.
So, how do we reconcile with one another, and how much healing can our broken relationships receive? You may forgive the other person but for reconciliation to take place you must want to re-establish the relationship. Some people forgive other people because they don’t want to feel guilty and they know that God requires it of them. They don’t particularly miss the relationship they just don’t want the guilt. So restoration of that relationship is going to be very hard because they are not going to work very hard to restore it.
Do we always have to have an apology to reconcile with one another? It depends, sometimes it is better to let time heal or at least wait until the raw emotions of the disagreement die down before we expect anything. But, yes, an apology helps! Without a sincere apology it just seems like there is something missing, something that has not been said, like: "I am sorry I hurt you." Some people just cannot say it aloud. They may or may not feel it, but it just cannot come out of their mouth. So look for handshake, smile, or pleasant conversation, or roses, or something else to indicate that things are ok. Again, it depends on how bad the hurt, how close the relationship, and how much both sides want to reconcile. And then it depends upon how much you believe that God wants you not only to forgive, but reconcile.
If you really believe you need to talk to someone about your relationship with them, how do you go about it? In prayer (see handout-reprinted below)! You might pray like this!
What if you want a better relationship and the other person doesn’t seem to care? Be patient! Some people take a long time to get over hurt and pain. Speak when you see that person. It may seem risky but not speaking just puts salt in the wounds and drives people farther apart. Beside, you never can tell what one simple hello might do!
Prayer For Help With Reconciliation
(reprinted from October 21 handout)
Prayer serves as vital preparation for these discussions, whatever the setting. This prayer may be used before tough conversations:
O God, I come to you today because I’m anxious as I get ready for this conversation. I know I have to go through with it, though everything in me wants to avoid it.
I don’t really know what to say, and I’m afraid I’ll make things worse, lose my temper, or not be able to get my ideas across. But most of all, I’m fearful that I’ll hear bad things about myself and the things I’ve done.
It seems easier just to let the misunderstanding and distance continue. But I know that is not what you ask of me. Send your Spirit to give me courage. Help me find the right words. Give me the grace to listen, learn, and let go.
Teach me to approach this exchange with an open and compassionate heart like that of your son, Jesus. Help me bear pain and disappointment as He did. Be with me. I trust in your wisdom and love.
Week of: October 28, 2007
Title: Forgiveness and Anger
Series: Hallmarks of a Great Relationship - Part 4
Scripture: Luke 23: 33-39
We’ve talked a lot about forgiveness and reconciliation but I don’t think you can have these things without dealing with anger. Anger is not necessarily always bad; in fact, it can have some useful applications. It can help you fight off someone or something that is threatening you or your family; and it can help you achieve a goal that is set before you.
Researchers have found that there are four core beliefs that people use to justify being angry:
1) Superiority- the belief that one’s self or one’s culture is superior to others;
2) Injustice- the belief that either as an individual, nation, or group, has a legitimate grievance against another individual or other groups;
3) Vulnerability- the belief that one is subject to being hurt at the hands of aggressive others.
4) Hopelessness- the belief that one cannot expect to improve one’s condition, either as an individual or as a group.
Anger is usually the immediate response we feel to the pain and discomfort that we may be experiencing or may be coming our way. As I said before, sometimes it’s not wrong to be angry, in fact there are times that we should be angry. I cannot imagine Jesus not being angry as He chased the money changers out of the Temple. They were making a mockery out His Father’s house and it made Him mad. But anger, even if it is justified, left unchecked can and does bind us forever. I dare say that there are people here today that are angry and have been angry for years with what someone has done to them. If you are, then you have let yourself become a slave to your anger, and God cannot use you the way He wants to until you begin to let it go.
When does anger become sinful? Anger is a sin when it is misdirected toward someone that it should not be directed at. You’ve heard, or even said yourselves, “Why are you mad at me, what have I done to you?” There is nothing more frustrating and aggravating than to have someone mad at you and not know what you’ve done that has made them that way. And usually, these same people will not tell you why they are angry, because they cannot and will not face you. A lot of people stay mad at people because they’ve never taken the time to find out if someone really did wrong them, or if they might even have a good reason for doing them wrong. It is easier to be mad and hate someone than to sit down and talk things out and forgive. Because if you do, you may be forced to realize that there are two sides to every story.
Anger is also a sin when it is inappropriate in its degree. You walk in from a very frustrating day at the office, your wife says ever so sweetly: “Sweetheart will you please pick up your socks from the bedroom floor.” Your response as you lose control of your temper, to your hard working spouse is: “If you want those socks picked up, pick them up yourself.” That is a sin, isn’t ladies? But then you ask your teenage child what they are going to do tonight, and their response is a very angry and choppy “None of your business dad.” Your response, as you reach for your gun, is “What do you mean telling me that it’s none of my business?”
What causes both of these potential family crises, other than stupidity, is stress and unresolved anger. Stress brings out the worst in our relationships with one another. If there are any issues of unresolved anger from the day before still festering in our hearts, then stress brings those feelings to the top of our awareness.
Anger becomes a sin when it is unresolved. We all would be wise if we could take Paul’s suggestion in Ephesians 4: 26 when he says: “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Unresolved anger, anger that just sits there, festers and festers, eats and eats at you, growing worse and worse day by day, is the surest way I know to kill the best of relationships. Prolonged anger is the surest way to kill a marriage. I don’t care how much someone says they love another person, if you don’t deal with the anger, if you let it fester and grow, a marriage will be over in time.
Some people even get mad at God, and can’t let it go, so they pout, strike out against clergy and the church. They just cannot make peace with God, and their relationship with God slowly and surely dies because they want at blame God for what has happened to them. Listen, people that are mad at God are usually ignorant people. They are ignorant because they don’t understand the first thing about life or God. They believe that everything should be fair. They usually believe that bad things don’t happen to good people. They believe that if they go to church occasionally that they should be exempt from any bad thing happening to them or their loved ones. They think that if they pray long enough and hard enough that that is going to be an unconditional umbrella of protection over them and their family. And yet, to be honest with you, we don’t know how any of us would react to God given some terrible and horrible unforeseen circumstances. But the more we know about God and the closer the relationship we have with him, and the more unconditional love we practice toward God, the harder it is going to be to stay mad at God.
Anger also becomes a sin when it is expressed inappropriately. What is inappropriate expression of anger? Yelling, screaming, gossiping, throwing things, telling someone off, insults, and physical violence are hardly appropriate for Christians. Those may or may not feel good at the time but usually they do more harm than good. I don’t know many relationships that can survive that kind of abuse. I have a suggestion. If you must tell someone that you are mad at them, wait until you have cooled off and just say calmly “what you did to me made me very angry at you.” No screaming, no yelling, and certainly no hitting, just “I am angry at you and I’d like to know why you did what you did.” Is this a solution? Is there always a perfect solution? Absolutely not, but when we don’t yell and fuss, and don’t try to win an argument, but simply sit down and talk, it could be a start in dealing with our anger.
What if all these things don’t do any good? What do we do then? Pray for them, and pray for yourself. Then, try to change your thinking!! In our scripture this morning, when Jesus was on the cross he says in verse 34, “Father, forgive them: for they do not know what they are doing.” Is Jesus delusional? I mean… he is in a lot of pain. He has been betrayed and falsely convicted of a crime he didn’t commit. He is being laughed at, spit at, and mocked. And He says, “Father, forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing.” Of course they know what they are doing. They know they are killing a rabbi, not a common criminal like the thieves on each side of Him. Deep down inside they should have known what they were doing. Maybe they didn’t know, or didn’t want to admit that Jesus was the Son of God, but they sure knew that he wasn’t the criminal the other two were.
(sorry incomplete here)
How does God see us? How can he so readily love us? How does he see us that he can let go of the anger that he feels toward sin and toward us? Jesus chose not to see those who killed him as evil, or bad persons. Could we do the same? Dealing with anger is about changing how you see the other person.